LESSON FOR BEING UNSELFISH & TOLERANT

Recently the missus received some stick from her Daddy for being 'selfish and not being tolerant (enough?) to others (read as parents & her siblings). I knew this day would finally come but of all occasion, the first day of Ramadhan, when Muslims renew their relationships and reinforce family bonds.

Yes, that's what you should do, but the same faces every week? And as if our lives evolve around them (only?) I beg to differ. How small can this world be? After all, we'll have to cross our paths again during Eid. Absence make the heart grow fonder and frictions are bound to occur when some people just can't mind their choice of words and actions. Maybe some people do not have enough friends or good relations with other relatives that they just want to keep on freeloading under the guise of "kinship". From that incident, she was never the same daughter & sister again. To me, she has been a good daughter and wife (ahem.... much better now) but she gave up the respect for her sister several years ago when she was criticised by that person who isn't any better herself. The other (then unmarried) sister wasn't helping much after 8 years of free lodging at our place. Not to mention the occasional stay-in by the other sibling, with family in tow.

So we had to set some limits after several years (5 years of enduring patience + 3 or more years of controlling our temper - to date). This was definitely unpopular because others see it as a selfish act and intorelant to the needs of others. Mind you, we're not talking about poor, cash- strapped or homeless people, ok. These are people who are smart enough to minimise their expenditure through "cost-saving methods" yet, able to own an MPV when we can barely afford our sedan. They even brought the whole family plus extended families to a mini pilgrimage in Mecca about 3 years ago. Yet these are the people who are being perceived as the "needy" just because the husband is the only sole bread winner and now with 5 kids in the family. The other sibling has been in and out of jobs after "graduating" from ITE. But her expenditures were more of a U grad with a steady income. Why not? Food and lodging is provided for - with a room to call her own. Apart from privacy she has the luxury to start her private tuition service from home at minimal cost - free utilities and other amenities added. With such lifestyle, she'll definitely need to service her credit facilities (and saving for her wedding) leaving with little or no contribution for home.
So they've been getting the symphathy votes from their parents who in turn get the sympathy votes from the only daughter who can afford a bigger HDB flat. Leaving me the unenviable (& unavoidable) task of saying "ok". We only had a child when we got this place of our own and things look so rosy back then. But when more children were added to the families several years later, things got out of hand. We lost our privacy and "ownership" of our home the moment we agreed to let the parents move in after they needed money for the last daughter's secondary education. It was after all a wise move because there was no one else to maintain the expenses at the old place when we moved out. Above all, a bigger flat means more people can be accomodated - friends, relatives on top of the extended families - even though we couldn't tolerate unwelcomed visitors.

So, back to the part about being selfish and intorelant. We certainly couldn't accept this tag and did not respond aggressively but we have been trying to send a clear message that we are not happy with the current situation. We adopted a strategy to employ a maid (read as Foregn Domentic Worker & not a slave) so that we'll be more independent and no longer an excuse for anyone to mind the kids but it backfired because the maid now has more jobs to do - minding the house instead. We were even told we pampered her too much when we trying to be good employers. In the light of Ramadan, we felt guilty to react such ways but we have no choice. No names are being mentioned here so it does not really matter to the identity of those people mentioned. My prayers are for Allah s.w.t to bestow upon them the efficient use of that "grey matter stored in the skull."

Now that Eid is near where Muslims seek foregiveness from each other, does anyone have good "speech" for us to borrow?